imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
