The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
