he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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