I can tuck mytits in my pants
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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