I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
