If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
