You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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