New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
