he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
