we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
