This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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