Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
