he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
