his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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