Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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