I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
