You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
