I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
