his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
