I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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