i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
