YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
