new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
