I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
