He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
