TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
