Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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