Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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