Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
