Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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