You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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