Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
