he thought i was a dude.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
