when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize