I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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