btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
