3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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