How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
