Betty ford says i'm here all night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
