the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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