'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
