Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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