I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
