Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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