break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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