to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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