Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
