Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
