Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
