we have pet lesbian snakes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
