I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize