Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
