Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
