Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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